Holy Witness: What a pastor learned about God from her trans son's bravery

Have you ever attended an elementary school performance and noticed the kids who enter the stage, anxiously search the audience for their people, and then break out into a beaming grin as soon as they make eye contact? These adorable little humans haven't done anything beyond entering the stage. However, they still feel proud of themselves because the people they care about can see them.

Then there is the biblical theme of being seen by God. It is not as frequent as the theme of being heard by God, but we can notice it especially with people who are used to being overlooked. Think of Mary's Magnificat (Luke 1:46-55) or Zacchaeus in the tree (Luke 19:1-10). Mary, a young peasant girl at the bottom of her society's social ladder, exults that God "looked with favor on your servant." And Zacchaeus, who climbed a tree in the hope of seeing Jesus above the taller people in the crowd, is seen by Jesus. In both cases, being seen was the catalyst for dramatic shifts in their life trajectories.

Their lives were changed because God saw them.

For me personally, as a Christian pastor and mother of a trans child, the question of being seen has particular weight. In many ways, it would be much easier and safer not to be seen. According to the loudest voices coming from American Christianity, my colleagues and siblings in Christ see my child's identity as an abomination. Being visible with my family's truth would be enough to get me fired by many congregations and even kicked out of some denominations. Thankfully, I've received tremendous support from my church. I am aware of the privilege of my experience. I understand why many people feel the need to hide.

But I also know that hiding would be a violation of my integrity and my faith.

My son chose a special line from one of our favorite authors, Alice Oseman, for his senior quote in the yearbook this year: "Never let anyone make you disappear." There have been times, including at the high school from which he will be graduating in a few months, when bigoted people have wanted to make him disappear. Daily, his courage to show up as his true self is among the most inspiring things I have ever witnessed. He has taught me the power of unapologetic visibility.

Being seen, insisting on visibility, is not a matter of ego, "wokeness," or forcing one's identity on other people. It is a matter of basic human dignity. It is the instinctive understanding that being seen for who we are is essential to being valued for who we are.

This year of all years, 2025, has witnessed an unprecedented number of bills and policy changes being pushed to try to remove human rights protections for trans people. It has also been a year when many who used to speak up for the trans community are walking away from advocacy for trans people. Whether they blame recent political losses on this advocacy or not, trans people are facing intense pressure to be invisible.

As the mother of a trans youth, I know that I am hardly unbiased when it comes to the human dignity of trans people. Still, I do not think God is unbiased either, because every single trans person in the world is made in the image of God. They are made in God's image and their trans image is not a mistake. God made them trans on purpose. They beautifully teach the world about the beauty and power of breaking binary categories that try to hide God's diverse creativity. Trans people need to be visible for their dignity, but the rest of us need them to be visible so that we can see the face of God in them. We will never know the fullness of God if we hide them.

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